shit. lets be santa

[starstorm]

ALCHEMY MEME!!!!



STEP ONE: list the items your character has lying around their domicile
STEP TWO: come up with horrifying item chimeras for them to create out of them
STEP THREE: go into as much detail or not detail as you feel like
STEP FOUR: suggest things for other people to alchemise or items for them to alchemise things out of

Comments

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Mandya: Be a girl.
Shut up! It's not your fault that the lipstick caught your eye. You were curious! But teal? TEAL? That's not a color you like at all! You slam down the TEAL LIPSTICK with a pile of JUNK FOOD and earn yourself the DECADENT LIPSTICK.

You could wear this all day and look really pretty! Well, you could if you weren't constantly licking it back off. Whatever!

[callouslystalwart]

> Pherae: Create something more useful.
You combine a SILVER ARROW with your CRYSTAL SUNCATCHER and...

You got the LIGHT ARROWS!

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Mandya: Make a weapon.
Okay! OKAY! The first time it didn't go so well, but maybe it's not all bad, right? Maybe it isn't! You slam down the YO-YO and combine it with CHEEZ POOFS to earn yourself the CHEEZ-CHEEZ!

You're actually more tempted to eat it than you are to use it.

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Mandya: Store your crap.
Maybe you have too much junk food laying around? No, that can't be it. Maybe you're bummed that your junk food can't come with you? Yeah, that's it. Time to do something about that. You decide to make use of something you haven't used by combining your EXTERNAL GRUB HARD DRIVE with a PILE OF JUNK FOOD to earn yourself the JUNK FOOD HARD DRIVE.

Now you can just download your junk food right into your hand. Finally.

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Mandya: Improve upon the storage.
You know, it would be too easy for someone to just steal away your newest creation, so you combine your newly created JUNK FOOD HARD DRIVE with your pair of RED COMBAT BOOTS to earn yourself the RED SURVIVAL COMBAT SUIT.

It even has a built-in soda tube in the helmet! You're protected, your food is protected, and you don't even have to take it off to eat!

It's a little tight around the chest, though. Ugh!!

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Mandya: Experiment.
Okay fine, maybe everything isn't about food. Even if it is, maybe it isn't. No, it is, who are you kidding? Maybe you can GROW more junk food. Can you even grow something? You combine the WITHERED PLANT BULB with the BOTTLE OF SEA WATER to earn the-

OH GOD THEY'RE GROWING EVERYWHERE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Mandya: PANIC.
You're too busy freaking out that you grab the only thing you can and heave it atop the WRITHING PLANT MONSTROSITY you alchemized earlier! As they combine, you realize that you threw on MAGNETS. You have now created the MAGNETIC PLANT MONSTROSITY. It's stuck to itself.

You're really glad its main body and tendrils were polarized opposites...

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Mandya: Do what must be done.
That's enough of that. You pile on a bunch of JUNK FOOD on top of the MAGNETIC PLANT MONSTROSITY to earn yourself the DELICIOUS PLANT MONSTROSITY.

Seems like you can eat it one tendril at a time, though you keep finding little pieces of metal stuck to your front. Looks like it makes YOU magnetic for a bit; you might wanna be careful.

[callouslystalwart]

> Pherae: Dress classy.
You're determined to make something actually worth wearing out of these... You decide to try combining the EVEN MORE IMPRACTICAL UNUSED FLARP COSTUME with your HUSKTOP to create the GEOGOSSAMER MECHANYMPHAL WINGPACK.

You're not going to be doing any barrel rolls or anything, but they can actually lift you off the ground!

[callouslystalwart]

> Pherae: Weaponize.
Time for some pain. You combine your SILVER BOW with one of your various SYMBOL CHARMS to create I... AM TUROK.

This reference is probably a little too hipstery for you to use...

[callouslystalwart]

> Pherae: Try again.
This time you further refine the I... AM TUROK with a FLOWERING DOGWOOD to create REFULGIR'S DRAGOPROJECTOR.

Well it doesn't require arrows to use, but it's kind of weeaboo...

[callouslystalwart]

> Pherae: Once more.
This time you toss REFULGIR'S DRAGOPROJECTOR in with some ROSES, resulting in CUPID'S LAST STAND.

A little sappy, but incredibly powerful.

[callouslystalwart]

> Pherae: Eh, why not.
One more for the hell of it. You again mix your SILVER BOW, but this time with a SQUIDDLE PLUSHIE, creating the TROLLNERF BIG BAD BOW.

It is neither as big nor as bad as the name would have you believe.

this is dumb i am sorry

[celestialcavalier]

> Mandya: Try something violent.
You debate it for a minute before deciding "ah fukc it" and combine your YO-YO and your BASIC RED BOOMERANG to create the GYROSCOPIC RETURNING BOOMERANG.

This is just a BOOMERANG with a FEW LUMPS and A LONG STRING.

and then it didnt get much better

[celestialcavalier]

> Mandya: Make everything worse.
Not satisfied, you combine the GYROSCOPIC RETURNING BOOMERANG and some ANIMAL CORPSES to create the SCREAMING SPINED DEATH FLAIL.

You think you just heard the SCREAMS OF THE DEPARTED. Better put this away for a long time.

DURIAN AGRIPA

[defensivealchemist]

Late posts come in threes?

Durian lives from empty hive to campsite to empty hive. This one's in dry, redstone area, burrowed into a canyon wall. He moved in a little over a week ago. The first thing he does in a new hive is check through it for traps/signs of habitation! The second is empty most of his sylladex all over the place.

So this hive includes some of his things, the previous owner's things, and things he's picked up from random people all over.

A large pile of books including:

>- The Alchemist: the Secrets of Troll Flamel, the Immortal
>- So You Want To Live Forever
>- several recipe books
>- several texts on Alchemy
>- FLARP manuals
>- The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes
>- Troll Darwin Awards
>- several dozen historical books, bookmarked on every page that references an Agripa
>- Anarchist's cookbook
>- Bang!: The Ultimate Book of Explosions Big and Small

A messy kitchen with the usual implements, including:

>- box of chocolate ants
>- several dozen durian fruit in a bowl
>- several discarded husks beside the fruit bowl
>- plate of salad, partially eaten
>- camera, beside the salad, for taking self portraits
>- mortar and pestle
>- miscellaneous flasks and measuring devices
>- oven/stove combo unit
>- stylized caldron
>- oven/stove combo unit
>- several funnels

Outside:

>- Trespassers Keep Out sign
>- an unknown number of landmines
>- unknown number of detonated landmine remnants
>- skeletal remains
>- rocks

Miscellaneous places around the hive:

>- several worn plaid jackets
>- wizard robe
>- ratty black shirt with his symbol
>- several photographs of salad
>- several awkward angle photographs of Durian
>- several stock image style photographs of Durian laughing with the salad
>- one photograph of Durian laughing with salad, photobombed by Fox Dad
>- box of photographs of sunrise and sunset horizon shots
>- smaller box of photographs of Durian standing beside various trolls
>- light filtering glasses for safely looking out during the day
>- shower/tub combo with curtains stained red, especially at the base
>- recuperacoon
>- spare husktop
>- big stick
>- kindling
>- 11 foot long pole
>- spear made from a sharpened branch
>- wooden sword
>- liquid density experiment
>- small box of sentimental letters
>- roll of barbed wire
>- Aloe Vera plant in ceramic pot
>- several small cacti in ceramic pots

Still in his sylladex:

>- pair of metal arms
>- Oujia board
>- dowsing rod
>- usual husktop
>- notes on F9r6idden T6pics
>- water canteen
>- sun resistant camping tent
>- portable recuperacoon
>- power generator
>- hiking boots

[apiarycryptonaut]

> Pherae: Improve.
Okay, they may be useless, but maybe they don't have to be. You decide to combine your FLARP COSTUME #1 with one of your SQUIDDLE PLUSHIES which nets you the ECHIDNA ARMOR (Not safe for children).

... How can this even be called "Armor"!?

[callouslystalwart]

[defensivealchemist]

> DURIAN: Contain your glee.
You fail to contain your glee. This is it. You are finally IN THE GAME and free to PLAY WITH THE ALCHEMITER. You don't know WHERE TO BEGIN.

So you begin by grabbing a random bunch of things at once!

[defensivealchemist]

> Durian: Make a new weapon.
Well, make that free to play with the alchemiter when you're not being attacked by imps! Upgrading your BRANCH to something that DEALS MORE DAMAGE seems like a good place to start. You combine your BIG STICK with your ROLL OF BARBED WIRE.

BIG STICK || ROLL OF BARBED WIRE = NAIL BAT, apparently. You could probably wield this with either your BRANCHKIND or your BRBWIREKIND specibus! How versatile.

[defensivealchemist]

> Durian: Indulge in playful narcissism.
You ||-combine a DURIAN FRUIT with an AWKWARDLY ANGLED PICTURE OF YOURSELF.

It creates a PICTURE OF A FRUIT BUST OF DURIAN! You can't think of any immediate use for this photograph.

[defensivealchemist]

> Durian: Create a portable computer.
You don't want to risk being called out as a HYPOCRITE for teasing Avispa over her husktop incident, so you examine your things for something UNLIKELY TO BE DROPPED. You consider and reject a jacket or boots, and settle on your day glasses.

||-Combining your SUNLIGHT FILTERING GOGGLES with your SPARE HUSKTOP results in... VR GOGGLES. It seems that the goggles now filter your view of anything around you, to better show you computer things. That's no good for noticing enemies sneaking up on you... Maybe you'll find an OPACITY setting later?

[defensivealchemist]

> Durian: Make a different, thematically appropriate weapon!.
You're not quite sure that's supposed to mean, since the prickliness of the nailbat and barbed wire fits with the whole durian fruit theme. But as you don't think of yourself as prickly, you only acknowledge the MAKE A DIFFERENT WEAPON part of the command.

You ||-combine the MORTAR AND PESTLE with another BIG STICK to create an OVERSIZED MORTAR AND PESTLE.

The PESTLE part can still be wielded with your BRANCHKIND, appropriately grinding imps into grist. Using it with the mortar for ingredients would probably be time-consuming and tiring.

ZIRREH REEVAS

[misguidedprotector]

What is all this bullshit junk laying around?

-Recuperacoon
-couch
-Husktop
-Stereo
-Portable music device
-Headphones
-Various outfits
-Boots
-Rope
-Grappling hooks
-Goggles
-Paleontology tools
-Various piles of pelts
-Copious amounts of amber fossils in various sizes (containing insects, plants or small creatures)
-Miscellaneous other fossils
-Hand written notes and charts about the development of life
-Hand drawn maps of caves
-Various books on fossils and paleontology
-Detailed notes on the mothergrub and brooding caverns
-Notes and drawings of Gl'bgloyb
-Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious
-Posters of Fluthlu, Nrub'yiglith and Oglogoth
-Drawings and doodles of said horrorterrors and others
-Research books on horrorterrors
-Fantasy books on horrorterrors
-Twin Kukri set wtih belt
-Various throwing knives
-Broken skeletons from dead lusii that are just piles of bones

[misguidedprotector]

> Zirreh: Give it a shot

You figure there's nothing wrong with trying to combine a PELT with a GRIMDARK FANTASY BOOK.

...

You're not entirely sure how you feel about the outcome.